"Worst" days

Everyone's ability to tolerate migraine pain is different. Each person has their own definition of what they cannot handle, and what they can work through. Please keep that in mind as you read this blog, my "worst day" is not going be the same as some one else's "worst day". I do not get auras, I also cannot throw up unless I force myself to do so.

There are days that I feel the migraine hovering in the background, and I know it is just waiting to pounce, and then there are days when I can barely open my eyes before the pain of the miniature miner in my head goes to work with an ice pick. Personally, I do the best I can, I still try to go grocery shopping, or go walking, or do anything to try not to hide out in my darkened room... I can only put on a brave face for so long before the pain starts breaking through, either in my actions or my unintentionally hurtful words.

Sometimes when migraineurs are dealing with what feels like endless pain, they physically and emotionally can't hide it anymore. Unfortunately, when our control snaps, we end up being hurtful to the ones we love most, we don't do this on purpose, we really don't want to cause anyone pain.

If you do not have migraines, imagine for a moment that every action you did, every step you took, every word you spoke, broke a bone in your body. How long could you put on a brave face, and not snap at those around you? More often than not it isn't only what you are doing that is "breaking bones" it is what everyone around you is doing too.

According to my headache trackers, I have been dealing with the same migraine for 672 hours straight, or 28+ days. Sometimes it is muted in the morning, some mornings I don't want to get out of bed. The constant storms in my area are not helping my functionality, neither is the fact that if I don't go shopping, I don't get the items I want or need. I try to make sure that the shopping is done in one store, one trip for the week. If I had more storage in my place I would stock up for a month, but there just isn't. So no matter how I feel I have to go grocery shopping once a week. There have been times when I sent my fiancé instead, with a short list of what we need, just enough to get through a few days until I felt "normal" enough to deal with it, even then somethings were "missing" from the list when he got back.

On my bad days the pain usually ramps up drastically around noon; followed quickly by nausea, muffled hearing, and blurry vision. 90% of the time my pain is located around my temples and eye sockets, the other 10% is centered in my jaw.

I have noticed recently that whenever I am in pain I clench my jaw. My neurologist noticed too, so the last time I got Botox done she injected some into my jaw muscles. Now when my jaw is relaxed, my teeth no longer crash together, however, it did not stop my "clenching while in pain" issues.

Most migraineurs try to save their rescue mess for their own worst day scenarios, which is entirely understandable. Most insurance companies only allow 9 "triptan" pills a month (triptans are one of the best ways to fight migraines). Chronic migraineurs get 20-25 migraines a month, 9 pills cannot handle that many migraines. Which is why we try to save them for "the bad ones."

Sometimes, however, the "bad ones" come day after day, knowing that your medication may run out is the only thing keeping you from dosing every day, no matter how much you want an end to the pain.

When mine become too much to handle, I get a super hot washcloth for my eyes, and lay down in a quiet, dark room. The last place I lived, I slept on the floor of my closet with the door shut. It was the only area in the apartment without windows. Whenever my fiancé found me there he would drag me to the Emergency Room, by that time I really needed to go. If the washcloth and dark room does not work, my fiancé or my mom will usually drag me to the E.R.

Whenever I start feeling one of my bad days coming on I try to ignore it, which is probably not the best thing to do under the circumstances, but I want to have some semblance of a normal life, and I feel that ignoring the pain long as I can gives me the best shot at a normal life that I can have.

I know not all migraineurs have the same pain tolerances, and my "bad day" could, very possibly be someone else's "ok day". Just because my pain manifests in different ways, doesn't mean that I don't understand what we are all going through.

"Chronic pain patients tend to minimize their pain to try to seem as "normal" as possible. We don't want to be perceived as complainers so we keep much of our pain experience to ourselves." - Rotten eCards